Roll Out The Barrell

By Dennis Mulcare - comment on previous post - Beer and the Wheel - deserving of separate post

Some leading edge anthropologists have established that beer was invented independently by conservatives in several different regions at approximately the same time. More interestingly, at least one such tribe also invented the barrel coincidentally. Their genius thus solved both the container problem and the transportation problem with a single breakthrough idea of the barrel.

In turn, these loutish beer guzzlers rapidly developed a choral ritual called “Roll Out the Barrel,” totally indifferent to the sensitivities of the liberals. These dismal libtards had to endure repeatedly the demoralizing refrain “we’ll have a barrel of FUN.” Yes, these unruly conservatives were imposing their churlish merriment on their sophisticated betters, whose sensitivities were naturally exacerbated by people merely enjoying life. How could these conservatives ignore all the attendant suffering alleged by these self-proclaimed VICTIMS?

Reflexively then, the liberals enacted a beer tax, for anyone having fun, especially in an overt and shameless way, ought to be penalized. At least that was the rationale of the self-righteous liberal elitists. In retrospect, the same anthropologists suggest that this whole episode may have been the first instance of unintended consequences: the beneficial invention of the barrel triggering the first sin tax. To this day, moreover, the bane of unintended consequences remains the centerpiece of the oblivious All-knowing State. This legacy should be great consolation to the liberal elitists, whose “enlightened” vision is that of the equitable distribution of misery.

Alas, it would seem that all the faint of heart can do about this situation is to cry in their beer. But that is NOT the conservative outlook or response. Instead, they nevertheless maintain constructive initiatives and pursue truly viable/beneficial innovations. And when happy hour arrives, they just figuratively roll out the barrel!